Making Small Talk and Developing a Conversation

• Step 1 – Small Talk.  Breaking The Ice/Initiating Conversation

We need to start with small talk.  As quickly as I can, I inject my small talk into the conversation.  Here are a few examples of how I did it.  I almost always lead with “Hey, this might seem kind of weird but I find it fascinating, I’ll explain in a second.”  I follow that up with one of these questions:

1. How many close friends do you think you have? Oh yeah? And how many friends and acquaintances total?
2. How many friends do you have on Facebook?

We have now introduced friends, and the social circle into conversation. Easy small talk, they share, I share, we might go off on a tangent about Twitter or Facebook.  On up the ladder.

• Step 2 – Basic Introduction To Conversation Topics

We’ll talk for a few seconds about the question I posed, and then I lead into this topic:

“I recently read Tribes by Seth Godin, have you heard of him or the book?  Well there’s one concept in there I really liked, it’s called Dunbars number.  Basically, it theorizes that people can maintain stable relationships with up to 150 people at once, and after that relationships break down.”

Discuss the concept of Tribes as in the book (if they don’t know the book). If they have more or less than 150, discuss depth and implications.  Perhaps they will share anecdotes here about losing touch with friends, making new friends, other interesting psychological phenomena that they know about, how Facebook is overwhelming. I might go off on a tangent here about the Twitter firehose, etc.

• Step 3 – Intermediate Conversation Topics

Depending on how the conversation goes in step 2, your work might be done. The tangents will provide ample opportunity to delve deeper into topics. If needed though, I like to have a plan to direct the conversation if it looks like it might stagnate back into small talk.

1. Share anecdotes from within Tribes.  Nathan Winograd no-kill shelters is a great one.  Talk ab
2. If they are familiar with Seth Godin discuss his other works. I can share discuss how I have emailed Seth and he replies to my emails – and I’m not special, he replies to everyone.  

• Step 4 – Advanced Conversation Topics

If they are still with me, we can have a real conversation!  At this point the conversation is going to depend on who they are, their personal experiences, and the knowledge they have of the in depth topic we’re talking about.

The big difference here, is that we are not longer just sharing information – we are analyzing and discussing at a very involved level, and both parties are benefiting from a deeper conversation.

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